Brene Brown: The work of 005 CM

Brene Brown has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of five #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving the Wilderness, and her latest book, Dare to Lead, which is the culmination of a seven-year study on courage and leadership. Brené’s TED talkThe Power of Vulnerability – is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 35 million views. She is a Social worker, a PhD, a Researcher and Storyteller.

Shame is: there is something about me that means I amn’t worthy of connection 

Shame ‘ I’m not ______ enough’ underpinned by vulnerability

For connection to happen you have to be seen 

One variable difference… people who feel a sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of it.

Wholehearted people

Courage: Latin Heart to be imperfect 

Compassion: kind to selves then others

Connection: as a result of authenticity 

Vulnerability: they embraced it. 

What made them vulnerable made them beautiful

We numb vulnerability

You can’t numb emotions selectively. We numb all of them. 

We try and make everything certain

Perfectionism is a problem

What we need to do:

Need to let ourselves be seen n Love with our whole hearts without guarantee

Practice gratitude n joy: I am enough 

Vulnerability

Vulnerability is not weakness 

Most accurate measurement of courage 

SHAME

Shame is voice that tell you you can’t not good enough reminds you of all problems of past. 

Never good enough / Who do you think you are

Guilt vs Shame:

Guilt I did bad

Shame I am bad 

Humiliation: I don’t deserve to be treated that badly (not Deserving of bad)

Embarrassment: Humiliation but doesn’t matter as much

Blame: Discharging of pain and discomfort

Shame: High correlation with all psych disorders. Guilt inverse correlated 

Women: do it all n perfectly 

Men: do not appear to be weak

Anatomy of trust

John Gottman suggests trust is built in smallest actions.

Braving connection

Boundaries trust you if you’re clear about them 

Reliability only trust you if do what say gonna go ongoing basis… 

Accountability: only trust you if you’re willing to own it apologize n make amends

Vault: what I share with you hold on confidence.

Integrity: act from there and expect same

Non judgement I call fall apart without being judged 

Generosity… you can assume generous thing about my word intention n behavior so if screw up you can n check it out 

Self trust is braving self love 

Gifts of Imperfection

Courage, Compassion and Connection are the gifts of imperfection

Guideposts

Cultivating authenticity letting go what people think

Cultivating self compassion letting go of perfectionism

Cultivating a resilient spirit letting go of numbing n powerlessness

Cultivating gratitude and joy letting go of scarcity n fear of the dark

Cultivating intuition n trusting faith letting go of need for certainty

Cultivating creativity letting go of comparison

Cultivating play n rest letting go of exhaustion as status symbol n productivity as self worth

Cultivating calm n stillness letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle

Cultivating meaningful work letting go of self doubt n supposed to

Cultivating laughter song n dance letting go of being cool n always in control 

Daring greatly

Scarcity mindset never enough culture

3 components scarcity: Shame, Comparison, Disengagement

Vulnerability myths

Is weakness 

I don’t do Vulnerability 

Vulnerability is letting all hang out

We can go it alone

You are worthy: you are enough

Understanding n combatting shame 

Shame resilience: stick to values n stay authentic when experience shame. Come out with more courage, compassion, connection

Shame to Empathy

Verbalise shame and it goes away

12 categories:

Appearance

Money/Work

Motherhood/ Fatherhood

Family

Parenting

Mental and physical health

Addiction

Sec

Aging

Religion

Surviving trauma

Being stereotyped/labelled

WHAT TO DO

Share what you’ve created and don’t tie self worth to it

Recognise shame and triggers

Develop Critical awareness

Reach out to others

Speak Shame and it dies

Own your story

Connection: heard and listened to without judgement

Belonging: when we feel part of something bigger than ourselves

Vulnerability armory: 

Joy: Feel gratitude and let yourself feel joy

Perfectionism: self compassion

Numbing:Connect with feelings and say no

Floodlighting smash or grab (share too much too soon

Serpenting (avoiding work… be honest with self)

Cynicism, criticism, cool, cruel (Own up to it in real life?)

Cultivating change n closing disengagement divide 

Align values with actions

Disruptive engagement daring to rehumanize education n work 

Culture of failure encourage

Wholehearted parenting 

Role model for Children

Daring to be the adults we want our children to be 

Rising strong 

Show up, get up, own your own stories 

Most painful experiences and hold self accountable

Dare, Fail, Feel tough emotion and Rise again

WHAT TO DO

Don’t numb or stack up pain

Courage OR comfort

Braver acronym

Recognise emotions and Be curious about what we’re feeling

Rumble with stories: Own your story

Revolution: Lean into discomfort… revolution let self be made stronger… live your truth

Rising: Spiritually and Creativity bounce back

Braving the wilderness 

Increasing loneliness and our Sense of belonging… we get it when we stop trying to be accepted by others and belong to them

Culture of Scarcity: Terrified that our ordinary life is meaningless sci become self absorbed

Scarcity culture connects:

Shame prone culture

Comparison culture

Disengagement

Wilderness: is any unknown territory outside of your comfort zone

Braving and trust… being vulnerable

Problem is we live in groups that all believe same thing… in bubble. Instead we need to not give into anger but be open to others and connect

Avoid bottling up anger as it turns into resentment

Avoid dehumanising others

It is hard to hate people close up move in

Speak truth to bullshit

Hold hands with strangers

Strong back, soft front, wild heart

Love is allowing most vulnerable selves be known and honour the spirit that comes from that connection 

Trust, respect, kindness and affection

Only love others as much as we love ourselves

Shame Blame Disrespect and Betrayal hurt roots of where love comes from 

What to do

Accountability is authenticity, action and amends

Shame Gremlins: Limiting beliefs that die when exposed to the light

Never good enough… who think you are

Avoid calling each other names

No self name calling

Stories with who we think we’re supposed to be. Own your stories

Empathy is antidote to shame

Understand your feelings

Reality check expectations

Reach out share story and speak Shame

Dare to lead

Leadership is not about titles, status, and wielding power. A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for recognizing the potential in people and ideas, and has the courage to develop that potential.

But daring leadership in a culture defined by scarcity, fear, and uncertainty requires skill-building around traits that are deeply and uniquely human. 

We don’t pretend to have the right answers; we stay curious and ask the right questions. 

We don’t see power as finite and hoard it; we know that power becomes infinite when we share it with others. 

We don’t avoid difficult conversations and situations; we lean into vulnerability when it’s necessary to do good work.

How do you cultivate braver, more daring leaders, and how do you embed the value of courage in your culture? 

It’s learning and unlearning that requires brave work, tough conversations, and showing up with your whole heart. 

Courage and vulnerability always go together

Find your 2 Core Values

Use BRAVING acronym

Skills we need:

Empathize

Self Compassion

Self Trust

Gratitude 

Contribution

Curiosity

Living into our values: 

Do what you value

Rumble with Vulnerability

Reckoning (emotions we feel)

Rumble (stories we create)

Revolution (courage and authenticity)

Brene’s Key Insights:

  • SPEAK SHAME
  • COURAGE (learn to be okay imperfect), COMPASSION (kind self others), CONNECTION (authentic)
  • I AM ENOUGH
  • BEHAVIOURS NOT IDENTITY
  • GRATITUDE NOT SCARCITY
  • BRAVING ACRONYM
  • OWN YOUR OWN STORY
  • UNDERSTAND AND LIVE YOUR VALUES
  • SHOW UP WITH WHOLE HEART

Recommended Reading

I thought it was just me (but it isn’t) Brene Brown

The Gifts of Imperfection Brene Brown

Daring Greatly Brene Brown

Rising Strong Brene Brown

Braving the Wilderness Brene Brown

Dare to Lead Brene Brown

The Power of Vulnerability (AUDIO) Brene Brown

The 7 Principles of making marriage work John Gottman